HOW BERGEN's ‘COOLEST' PEOPLE ARE SURVIVING JULY
(psst...we probably shouldn’t be sharing)
ok, It’s official.
JULY HAS COMPLETELY LOST ITS MIND
It’s soo hot...
your steering wheel is filing assault charges.
soo hot...
Your iced coffee demanded a name change.
soo hot...
The pavement is auditioning for a volcano.
soo hot...
Even your weather app has stopped offering hope.
It simply says: “Thoughts and prayers.”
Desperate temperatures call
for desperate measures
Fortunately… OCEANOS has quietly developed three survival hacks
that have rescued countless Bergen County residents from becoming
human rotisserie chickens.
(and made them the coolest people this summer!)
Should we be sharing these?
Probably not.
Are we going to anyway?
Absolutely.
chilling with oysters...
Forget ice packs.
Order oysters.
Hand-picked Prestige oysters served colder than your air conditioner.
Saltier than your ex’s “Hey… just checking in.” ... so impressive
they deserve their own zip code.
and cooling with lobster...
Sweet. Succulent. Impossible to eat politely.
Exactly as nature intended.
oh btw... Science hasn’t officially confirmed that seafood lowers
your body temperature… but we know firsthand that every one
of our guests here at OCEANOS are the ‘cool’est. (so there!)
Some cocktails are drinks
These are climate control.
A NAKED IN CANCUN
immediately transports your mood to a ‘life’s a beach’ staycation.
A MIDNIGHT MANHATTAN
you don’t need to wait til midnight for this smooth cool to make its move
(like Netflix’n’chill without the Netflix!)
And SEX IN PARIS...?
Let’s just say… she has a reputation.
One sip in and suddenly you’re speaking slower, laughing louder,
and forgetting why you were complaining in the first place.
Hydration?
Technically.
Emotional support?
Absolutely.
Because if July insists on behaving like the inside of a pizza oven… you deserve to
sit somewhere that literally comes with its own cooling system.
The waterfalls don’t just look beautiful.
They change the mood.
The mist rolls in. The breeze finds you.
Dinner lasts longer than you planned. Nobody checks the time.
And somehow the entire outside world becomes…
someone else’s problem.
It’s basically a spritz
for your soul.
so....
Will tomorrow be hotter than Hades’ vacation home?
duh, yeah ...
Will your driveway still feel like molten lava?
sadly, yes!
but, just ‘cause July isn’t letting up anytime soon
DON'T SWEAT IT!
Cause now you know the secret to how
Bergen’s ‘coolest’ people are surviving July
Three ‘cooler-than your A.C. ’ survival hacks.
One beautiful hiding place...
And just enough oysters, cocktails, waterfalls, (and laughter)
to make July feel a whole lot ...
cooler.
so, save a friend or two from July.
(Surviving summer is always better together)
We’ll keep the oysters cold.
The cocktails icy.
The waterfalls flowing.
You just show up.
We’ll take it from there!
Come in and chill with OCEANOS